3 days and 1 sleep of reflections, as the journey begins…
✈️ eat pray love + interstellar, coupled with new (life changing) read, It’s Not Always Depression by Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW… this cocktail really had me contemplating my thought life… what better way to tackle the hard stuff than cooped up in the middle of an international plane ride? The movies were not at all new to this girl! But if I were to reflect on what I gather from them together,
The ruminating room… the place we spend our longest time rewriting our would have, could possibly, and should not haves… the room of regrets and lost opportunities. This room is a death sentence to those still living. Like Jordan Peele said… GET OUT. Get to the bottoms of this conclusion…
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope…”
But then keep reading…
“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”
“I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.” Jeremiah 29:11-14
Restore. Restore. Restore.
His promise is always to redeem and restore the blessings He has for you.
His only ask is for us to pursue wholeheartedly. [The Catch]
We cannot search for Him if we don’t think we deserve to find Him! This is the struggle with leaving ourselves on the hook… we diminish the significance of the gift He freely gave for us.
1A: (Sidebar thought: Dude imagine if Black Friday was for eternal life… AND it was free? Can you imagine how sheepishly we are all pursuing that door, not even sure we can come in? Or even crazier, He IS our Black [good] Friday deal, and He wants us to run, like children, to His feet to receive this unearned, undeserved, immeasurable gift of life in abundance and eternity? Let that sink in…)
1B: Back to reflecting on Interstellar
“I think there are some things in it I have yet to discover. I watched it again on the plane. Connecting it to calling and how it stands outside of time… Coupled with our natural tendency to be crippled by our failures… But with purpose by design standing outside of time, there is a never ending yet perfectly positioned plan orchestrated beyond our conceivable understanding. And as clearly as the day you and I were called, all that we were purposed to complete was completed… in the kairos … awaiting us to fulfill it in the Kronos. [Eternity past | eternity future.] That is the sovereignty of God… There is a “black hole” to the access of God. And it doesn’t matter how many times we orbit this thing, He will always be right there...” again… Let that sink in…
2•SELF love and SELFless Love CAN and SHOULD coexist…
but when faced with those things coexisting, I panic because of past distorted appearances of love . I’m not sure I have the right combination. I swing WAY OVER to the selfless love part for others… which is the opposite of self love… I have forgotten myself in it at all! So I’m working on selfMORElove, while I continue to balance my selfless love.
2A: Reflections on “love” and what we know about it…
American Church 🙄: 1 Corinthians 13:1
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.”
Charismatic Church: 1 Corinthians 13:2
“And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.”
Martyrs + Minimalists: 1 Corinthians 13:3
“If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”
2B: For THIS is LOVE 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Next 3 words: LOVE NEVER ENDS
Be encouraged. Be filled with love, so that it permeates around you. Love yourself well, so that you can discern when others do NOT. And yet… still LOVE them. 1 Peter 4:8 “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”
3•Another book wisdom I discovered…
I, Imani Tahira, am both CLINGY and AVOIDANT… I both latch on and push you away almost without blinking… and that has got to be challenging for those I’m in relationship with. I’ve gotta come to terms with what I actually want, and find security in knowing it is out there for me. Yes, life partner… but I’m thinking in every relationship: people, time, money, food, arguably most important: God…
as much as I love existing in the majestic omnipotence of heaven, I fear that LOVE personified will get annoyed or overwhelmed by my “muchness…” seems comical as I say this aloud, but that surely has clouded every human interaction I have ever had. I hide BECAUSE of my “muchness” #teamTOOmuch … and still when I am 💯 secure in my existence, a glimpse at witnesses can second guess my certainty… I thought I was over this… man’s approval… not quite.
3A: This has kept me from loving well… from seeing myself as He sees me… from loving others despite offense… paralyzed by anxiety, guilt and shame, I’ve minimized the power of love in my everyday consistent life. I cling or avoid based on judgement. “To be or not to be…” that is my question… will you accept me or not? Knowing we love imperfectly… my ought of expectation is unfairly disadvantaged to the beholders of my affection. I accept this… vulnerability of uncertainty. I choose LOVE despite its hurts and see potential to be a love giver indiscriminately… even in traffic! Now that’s what I call a miracle!
3B: addressing my clinging tendencies… later in a deeper post…
4•DEPRESSION is not a disease! But a SYMPTOM of a suppressed emotion.
Neuro plasticity is a real thing. And science is proving all of my deepest desires… despite what doctors have told me. For too long, I’ve been told I cannot live without the use of prescription pills, that my brain patterns are fixed and unable to be changed. Aside from the supernatural, I have yet to find an approach to therapy that focused on healing and rehabilitation versus managing and coping strategies. In the same way I’ve learned to relate to people based on my perceptions of their wants and needs, rather than learning to clearly assert my own. But, with intention, I can rewire my neuro pathways to fire positively and effectively. Focusing on identifying the emotion as it comes and acknowledging I can choose to be overcome by it or seek balance within them. This IS powerful change in symptom versus root awareness, and ultimately a step toward total healing. So simple, that revelation is HUGE for me.
This is just the beginning of this journey… but moreover, the answer to many prayers. My pen is overflowing and you WILL get an earful! So stay ready… there are destined soon-to-be fallen seeds, ready to be planted in your garden!